Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Last shout out

Hey there! I'm back from vacation and wanted to give one last shout out for any requests to continue reading my blog. I received several emails through the 'contact me' widget and you will be added, so don't fret.

Adi, I love your suggestion about having a subscription by email service. Where can I find that? I briefly searched and came up empty handed. Help please. Hoping the one your friend uses will do the trick.

Lots of details on the past couple weeks are coming soon! I had a wonderful vacation, but I missed blogging and am ready to return. So this is your last chance, leave a comment if you haven't already and want to continue reading.

Peace out,

Monday, March 31, 2014

Vulnerability and change

I have been thinking this over for awhile and come to a decision to make my blog private. I have debated back and forth on the pros and cons of going private and while I know that decreased access will reduce the capability for my blog to be an informational and emotional resource to the public, I will gain a sense of privacy and security. My vulnerability has slowly heightened throughout this entire journey and has reached an all time high now that I am pregnant. I truly wish that I could leave my blog open and let go of my fears and insecurities, but I've tried and been unsuccessful. Going private will protect me from the random dreaded haters out there that troll and leave nasty comments. Additionally, I have decided that it is better for me to communicate with the people I know in real life, one on one, rather than have you as a reader. Many bloggers write anonymously so that they can share openly and honestly about fears and emotions without having to worry if people will misinterpret, judge or react poorly. To provide the highest amount of privacy, making my blog private will essentially make it anonymous. My intention is not to hurt or upset anyone, but to increase the protection of myself and family and to keep communication going both ways with those I know in real life, so I can know what is going on in your life, while also filling you in on mine.

Moving forward I am going to lock my settings on Blogger to only allow invited readers that have been longtime followers and do not know me in real life. If you are part of the infertility blogging community and want to continue reading, please leave a comment with your email address that is associated with your Goggle account in the comments section below OR you can send me a message privately using my "Send me a message" widget which is found on the left side of my blog just below my awards. If you don't currently have a Google account you can sign up for one or you will be sent a guest access invitation to the email account provided that will last for 30 days and then require renewal. Full explanation from Google help can be found here. I know this is a hassle and for some of you it will be too much of an obstacle. I hate that, but I don't see any other way.

For those of you that have been longtime readers and commenters, I really hope that you will keep following along as I truly value the connections we've made and the support we provide each other. As long as you are signed into your Google account you will be able to read my blog without any prompting for a password. An unfortunate side effect of going private is that my new posts will no long show up in feedly or bloglovin. You will have to periododically check on your own. If you have been following my journey, but haven't commented much or at all, please be sure to indicate in your comment or private message how long you have been reading and why you want to keep following along. If you have a blog then please include that as well, so I can follow along and get to know you better.

This change will not be happening immediately as I want to give people time to see this post and submit requests. I will change the settings when I return from my trip the third week of April, which means that there will be a couple weeks of blog dead time. This is all a giant experiment. I really hope that it works, but understand that there are going to be some kinks to work out.

Thank you so much for all of your support and I hope to see you on the other side, whether it be in the private blogging community or in real life if you're currently a friend.

Peace out,

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Random updates

Thanks for all the blog love and comments. You guys are the best! I'm feeling better about the crap that I've been dealing with thanks to an amazing fellow blogger that offered a solution. More on that later :-) I'm also loving the longer days that Spring has brought. Dark Seattle winters and 4:30pm sunsets are tough. I went for a hike in the sunshine at 5pm and it was awesome. I can't wait for summer and some warmer temps. Who is with me!?

My jobs are all going really well right now! Thank you universe for finally giving me a break. We had a department review by HR at one of them that resulted in a long time employee being forced to resign. It is such a better work environment now. I am so relieved that the problems are finally being addressed. I've also been able to work from home a little bit more, which has also been really nice because I often feel like my jobs require a "stage presence" since I am always teaching to a group or in an intense one on one consult. The down time at home has provided a much better balance.

In other random news I made some kale chips with my favorite topping of nutritional yeast. So yummy. So easy. De-stem and wash kale. Chop into smallish pieces (size of half a dollar bill is good enough since they shrink to bite size during baking). Toss in a sprinkle of salt and just enough olive oil to lightly coat (~1-2 Tbsp, but I don't measure). Spread on a baking sheet so they are not over lapping, touching is ok, but you don't want layers of depth. Bake at 350F for 8-10minutes. Then check on them and bake for an additional 4-6 minutes until crispy. Be very careful not to over cook. They should still be a nice dark green. If they begin to turn yellow or brownish green, they have over cooked and will be very bitter. They are few pieces on the tray in the lower right that are yellow brown, since my oven heats unevenly. Thankfully the other 95% on the baking sheet were just right. Sprinkle on nutritional yeast after baking and it gives a yummy cheesy flavor.

I baked a lemon meringue pie in honor of a belated celebration for March 14th, 3.14 pie day. I followed this recipe. It was really easy and fun to make. I love how pretty the meringue is and J and my friends raved about it. Unfortunately for me, I thought it was way too sweet and I even reduced the amount of sugar in the crust. Maybe I'll scout out some other meringue recipes that are more creamy and less sweet. So pretty though!

And now the rest of this post is pregnancy ramblings, so if you want to check out now and go meditate, please do. I'm thinking of you.


Today is 6 weeks (gestational age) or 4 weeks (fetal age) depending on how you are counting. It drives me absolutely nuts that it isn't standardized and many times it isn't obviously clear which one they are referring to when someone says it or you read it in the literature. Hopefully it will drive me less nuts as time goes on and I'm not obsessing over milestones in these early weeks.

I checked out three pregnancy books from the library because I'm a total cheap-o and I love libraries. I have really been enjoying reading bits and pieces of each of them. Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin (a famous Seattle midwife), The Pregnancy Book by Dr. Sears (an old hippie classic) and Birthing from Within by Pam England.  I've been a long time birth story junkie and purchased Ina May's Guide to Childbirth before we even started TTC. Half the book is birth stories and they are amazing. Non-pregnancy related books I am loving right now are anything and everything about Charleston, since my trip is just over a week away. I just finished reading Karen White's, Tradd Street series. So good, if you like mysteries about ghosts or solving cold cases, plus all of the books are set in the historic district of Charleston, SC. I've been reading most of them as e-books from my library, but the last of the four in the series just came out in 2014, so I ended up getting super lucky and finding it at a used book store. As a bonus, J got me a new Spring puzzle.

Symptom wise this week I felt almost nothing. It was so strange to go from such intensity during the weeks 4 and 5 (gestational age) when I felt implantation and my uterus cramping and stretching. Now, I forget all the time and it makes me wonder if there is anything going on in there or not. If I am trying to stretch for symptoms, I'd say that maybe I'm peeing more frequently (but I always pee a lot because I love drinking water), my lower abdomen sometimes feels like the muscles don't want to cooperate as well and I feel different when I twist/turn/sneeze, my boobs are ever so slightly more sensitive/bigger, and I've noticed on a few occasions that smells are extra smelly. Oh, and I guess I should add in there that I may be slightly moodier than usual, but then again that could just be from J having a cold for almost two weeks and dealing with his whininess makes me irritable. I don't feel extra tired and have zero nausea. I hope these super mild symptoms continue, but I never thought I'd bypass them since I'm so sensitive.

On the midwife front I've gone a little or a lot nuts depending or your perspective. I currently have three appointments scheduled with three different midwife practices. As I mentioned previously, my ND is also a midwife, but I found out she is leaving the practice. I made an appointment anyway with the partner midwife, but am having second thoughts. Then my acupuncturist raved about the midwife practice of three he and his wife used and they are closer to my house, so I called and made an appointment with them. At the very end of the call I asked which midwife I would be meeting with at my first appointment and it was a new one. Sure enough the two favorites that he recommended are no longer at that practice. Bummer. So then another friend had raved about her experience with another small midwife practice and so I called to make an appointment with them. Turns out, one is new, but one is still the same midwife that she loved and as a super weird crazy, "it's a sign!" twist, I was reading the bios of the two midwives and I really liked what I read. I got to the end of the bio for the new midwife and the name of her dog is the name I have picked out if we have a girl. So crazy!! I'm not normally much for reading into signs, but this one got to me. It's not a super strange name like North, but it's not a name I've ever heard a human or dog named before. Anyhow, I think I'm going to narrow it down to two practices and interview both and then decide.

Peace out,

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Quick check in

Sorry for the super short update, but I'm dealing with some stuff right now that I'm not ready to post about. I am continuing to feel well physically at 5 weeks 3 days gestation and keep thinking positive about our growing embryo. I'm counting down the days until the 7 week heartbeat ultrasound which is only 11 days away. I'm also ecstatic to announce that J and I survived 23 days of daily progesterone in oil injections and have graduated to weekly injections. Both sides of my ass are battle worn and bruised, but I would do it all over again if I had to. I debated posting a nasty picture as evidence, but decided against it. I even called the clinic this week to state my concern about my battle worn bottom, but they assured me it was all normal and that I must finish the remaining injections. I was given the warning signs to look for in case I developed an infection and then bid good luck.

I am rooting for all of you that are still deep in the battle, fighting for your take home baby and I continue to follow your stories. Even though I am now pregnant, I am still ever aware of the scars left from fertility struggles and continue to seek the comfort of this community.

Peace out,

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Not the same

March 16th- second beta

On Sunday I met up with two women from my fertility support group, that are also pregnant, and we went to a yoga for pregnancy class. Yup, I went even before I got the results from my second beta. In some ways I'm not in denial at all about being pregnant. I'm beyond excited. But in other ways, I'm clearly still confused and scarred from everything we've been through to achieve pregnancy and as much as I desire this to feel like a normal pregnancy, it just isn't.

I spoke to the instructor before the class to let her know I was not even 5 weeks along yet, although I read on the website the class was for 6 weeks and up, I thought it would be ok since I had been practicing yoga for fertility. To my surprise, she knew the instructor of the yoga for fertility program and admitted to practicing it herself before she had her kids. I had also read on the website that she was the mother of twins... so yup, she also had fertility struggles. Wow. She welcomed me to the class and I felt like I was in the right place until we got started and went around the room with introductions. There were probably about 25 women in attendance and as we went around the room I couldn't help but notice that most of the women were having their second or third child. It stung a little bit to feel surrounded by so many fertiles that were seemingly so easily on their third child already. When it came time for me to do my introduction, I felt like I wanted them to know that I wasn't one of them and when I said I was nearly 5 weeks (actually only 4 weeks 3 days, but I thought that made me sound extra crazy), they must have wondered what I was doing there. So I kept it very simple and explained that although I was a real newbie at only 5 weeks, I had been practicing yoga for fertility previously as it had taken me awhile to get here. I don't know how many people picked up on that, except for the two that came up to me afterwards, one women congratulated me on being newly pregnant with such sincerity, I could tell from the look in her eyes that she had been through it too. The instructor and I also chatted afterwards and she introduced me to her twin boys and we talked about how great the yoga for fertility instructor is and what a long road it is to get here. I confessed to her that I know mine is a singleton and that was the closest we came to uttering anything about ART out loud.

After the class (which was excellent by the way) my two friends from support group and I went to lunch and on our way I got the phone call with the results of my second beta. It came back at 679! Hooray! It more than doubled in 48 hours from 301 and I was given the good news that my progesterone injections would be tapered down to weekly. Part of me wanted to ask the RN about if my beta levels meant anything about the risks of miscarrying later on, but I didn't. I keep on focusing on the positive with only a few fears sneaking in about miscarrying.

Most of my anxiety right now is about how and when to tell people about the pregnancy. I never gave this much thought over the past two years, because all my energy was spent sorting through treatments and wondering if it would ever happen, not on how to handle interacting with the universe afterwards. In so many ways, I am still grieving the loss of natural conception. I thought that I had grieved it fully and accepted it, but in this first week after getting a positive test, I keep thinking about how if this had been a natural conception, no one would know we had been trying and no one would be expecting to hear news from us. No one would be worrying or wondering if we were keeping a secret and J and I could take as much time as we needed without feeling any pressure or guilt to decide when we would reveal our news. I find myself continuing to withdraw from the world and stay in my protective bubble that I put up to prepare for IVF. Maybe part of me doesn't want to make the announcement because my miscarriage fears are larger than I realize, but I know that a lot of it is that I can't shake comparing this to the idea of a normal pregnancy, which by my definition is one that occurs spontaneously without fertility treatment. It's such an unexpected cause of emotion as I did not see this coming. I had read about infertiles having a hard time being newly pregnant for fear of losing the pregnancy or for not believing it, experiencing shock or denial or being disappointed that the surprise announcement element was ruined. But this continued grieving for natural conception and a normal timeline to reveal the pregnancy is a new concept to me. This isn't a normal pregnancy and my emotions are all over the place. Although I don't want to tell anyone and I want it to feel normal, at the same time I want to shout it from the rooftops that this is a really big deal. That we've waited what feels like forever and endured massive challenges to make it here. I still don't want to hear any pregnancy announcements from fertiles, because it's NOT THE SAME.

On to a review of my current symptoms. The slow down in digestion from the progesterone has now done a 180 and things have been a little too loose. Not all too surprising with the cramping I've been having in my low back that puts pressure on my bowels because of my retroverted uterus. I've read that a retroverted uterus will eventually get pressed forward as the pregnancy progresses and maybe even stay tilted forward afterwards. I'm sort of hoping. Otherwise my symptoms continue to be about the same as they've been the past week, which consists mainly of uterus awareness spurred by heavy, achey, bubbly, twingy, crampy feelings that come and go throughout the day and definitely intensify at night. I have not noticed increased hunger or nausea. Although, I am terrified that the nausea is going to hit full force any minute. Sleep continues to be somewhat challenging as I've been hot at night from the increased temperature with pregnancy and I've been dreaming a lot. Boobs are just hanging out as normal with only a hint of increased sensitivity. They were much more sore toward the end of stimming before the retrieval. I am continuing to do lots of deep belly breathing and I find it hard to sit still as I want to ensure that my uterus is getting proper blood flow to support my growing baby. I don't think I've gained any weight (I don't weigh myself), but I find myself only wanting to wear stretchy or loose clothing, otherwise I end up unbuttoning my pants.

That wraps up the last of my time delayed postings. From now on I'll be posting again in real time.

Peace out,

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Beta day

March 14th
10dp5dt Beta day! Woke up slightly queasy and nervous with not much appetite. Decided on a bean burrito for breakfast. Drove into the clinic and met with my RN right after the blood draw to ask her some questions and let her know I already knew the result was positive. She told me I cheated, but congratulated me anyhow. I told her it was obvious to me as I have been feeling all kinds of things for the last several days. I asked what level the clinic likes to see for the first beta and she said she is old, so she like to see around 120. I was just curious, because I know everyone is different and the beta range is huge. I also asked about the second beta, progesterone and estrogen medications. I will have my second beta on Sunday 3/16 and if it looks good I will be tapered down to only one progesterone injection a week. Please oh please! My ass was getting quite bruised until I remembered about a homeopathic cream for bruising and muscle pain called Traumeel. I've been using it the past few days and it has helped a lot, but there is no getting around the discomfort of the injections. Holy crap, I just googled Traumeel use during pregnancy because of course it has the disclaimer "ask your doctor if pregnant or breastfeeding" and apparently many holistic practitioners recommend it to ease the aches and pains of pregnancy and even during and after labor. That was a tangent! Back to the clinic and my RN telling me I need to continue the estrogen patches until we hear the baby's heartbeat, which will likely be the first week of April when I am 7 weeks pregnant and when I leave for my trip to Charleston. Eeeeekkkk! I didn't think the ultrasound would be before my vacation.

Celebration lunch: I love the huge amount of arugula, spilling out onto the plate.
I was sitting outside at a cute little bakery on the phone with my mom only an hour and a half after having my blood drawn when "Unknown" popped up on my caller ID. "Unknown" means it's most likely the fertility clinic and so I quickly said goodbye to my mom and answered the call. I thought I would have to wait several hours for the result, so I was surprised. My RN cut right to the chase and said, "You're an over achiever, your beta level is 301! Congratulations!" Holy crap, I am beyond happy with this solid result and in the moment of excitement I decided to share with my mom right away. I called her back and told her that was the clinic calling to tell me my test came back positive, because I couldn't say the words, "I am pregnant." She repeated what I said several times and squealed, "So you are pregnant?!?" I hadn't told her that today was my beta test and so she wasn't expecting to find out and was truly surprised. Of course then she had to mother me a bit and tell me to be careful and worry about me and fret about if it would be ok for me to travel in a few weeks (when we are meeting in Charleston). It was a little annoying at first, but then I caved, realizing her excitement and told her to go ahead and mother me :-) Too bad the know-it-all in me couldn't hold back entirely and I did have to educate her on a few things.

I couldn't help myself and since my naturopathic doctor (ND)/midwife office was only a few doors up the street from the bakery I stopped in to inquire about my first prenatal appointment. It will happen week 8, which is during my Charleston trip, so I scheduled it for the day after I return. The office is a really small practice of two midwives that are also ND's. I love the combo and small size of the office as I really dislike being tossed about being practitioners in large offices. I found out that one of the ND/midwife's is leaving in a couple months, but two experienced midwives will be joining the practice, so there will be three total, only one is an ND. I am also going to try out another practice with only two midwives that one of my friend's highly recommended and then decide which is a better fit. What I would really like to do is find a Centering Pregnancy group, but I'm not sure if they have them in my area. It's basically a group of 8-12 pregnant women close in gestational age that meet up regularly in a class/support group setting typically lead by a midwife. I'm going to have to do some research and see if I can find anything, but when I was looking 2 years ago when we started TTC I came up empty. Update: There are now several Centering Pregnancy groups here as research shows improved birth outcomes, so they are growing in popularity. However, if you join a Centering group you have to use the midwife group and hospital it is associated with. Unfortunately in my area, they are all huge groups of midwives (~10) and in hospitals far from my house, so I'll probably still go with the smaller midwife private practices. We'll see...

In the afternoon I called my sister and completely surprised her with the positive results. She thought we wouldn't find out until two weeks after the transfer, so she wasn't expecting it at all. Her reaction was so raw and sincere. She was so excited! We chatted for a bit and she reminisced about her own pregnancies. It was fun. We've haven't had the closest relationship, but maybe this will help bridge the gap, at least a little?

I'm don't feel like I'm in denial that I'm pregnant, but I've only be able to say the words "I am pregnant" out loud once to myself when I was alone driving home. I forced myself to say it out loud, which felt so incredibly strange and good. It was very emotional and I almost started crying with the relief and gratitude to finally have made it to this point. Wow.

To cap off an already fantastic day I went and saw the Veronica Mars movie which kicked some major ass. I've been a long time fan, so I'm a bit biased, but it was so funny and smart. I loved it! You have to go see it if you are at all a Veronica Mars fan or even if you're not :-)

Those of you that are still in the trenches, I am thinking of you and hoping that your day is coming soon. I know it can seem like everyone is pregnant and feel like it will never happen to you. I wish all of you the best and know that every pregnancy announcement stings. I hate that anyone has to suffer on this difficult journey. Each of your stories have deeply touched me and shown me how compassionate people can be and for that I am beyond grateful.

Peace out,

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Leading up to the beta test

I'm finally feeling somewhat ready to pop my protective bubble and share the events surrounding my beta test. I'm so sorry for keeping you hanging, but I needed time to process before opening up. If you know me in real life please do not utter a word of this to anyone and also let me know that you are reading, so I know if you are caught up and don't feel stalked. Thank you.

I wrote draft posts as things were happening, so you aren't actually missing out on the details. Over the next few days I'll publish several posts that will get you caught up to date. Thank you so much for your continued support and messages. I don't know what I would do without this amazing blogging community. In-real-life friends, thank you for checking in on me without asking questions. I love you guys!

Ok, here goes. Below is a recap of the days leading up to my beta test.

March 4-6th
0-2dp5dt Embryo transfer day and the days following I'm doing tons of deep belly breathing and remaining calm. I was going to do the pineapple thing, but I never ended up getting one, oh well.

Flowers from my mom, sister and niece on transfer day
March 7-9th
3-5dp5dt I didn't record the exact days of my symptoms, but somewhere around this time I had lots of watery CM, felt some "vagina lightening bolts," a term I read online that made me laugh. It was actually more of a uterus lightening bolt, but that doesn't sound as funny. One time in particular it was a very strong, deep, sharp pain that took my breath away and lasted for several seconds. Being pretty much in denial, I convinced myself it wasn't implantation pain and continued feeling mostly calm and doing tons of deep belly breathing. I did begin to obsessivly count and recount the days on the calendar and start to get anxious about if I was going to POAS and test early. I finished my E.T. puzzle Sunday night and was a little sad that it was over. I had the best time working on it and it was definitely a good distraction within my protective bubble.

1000 pieces. I'm thinking it might be fun to frame and hang in the nursery
March 10th
6dp5dt Woke up and decided to POAS since I had a big stash of internet cheapies. I set the timer for 5 minutes and when I checked it there was not a second line. But upon much closer inspection and squinting for several minutes I did in fact see a very faint second line, but it was a real "squinter" and I convinced myself I was imagining things. I thought maybe it was leftover hcg from the trigger shot. I was a little disappointed, but knew that it was still very early and I was still quite hopeful. I decided to have a glass of wine at dinner that night with a friend to help relax me. It was fabulous and I know it's controversial, but my personal thoughts on alcohol and pregnancy are that small amounts are acceptable. To me there are so many other foods and beverages that can be damaging. Each woman must do what feels is right for her.

March 11th
7dp5dt  Pretty much every minute of today was spent anxiously hoping for my beta day to hurry up already. I woke up excited thinking that the line would be darker and POAS right away. Again I set the timer and walked away as I did not want to stare at it in suspense. My heart rate was rapid and I had to keep reminding myself to take slow breathes. Five minutes later I walked up to the test and saw no second line. Dang! So then I squinted at it and held it up at different angles on various color backgrounds, finally I decided that it was yet again just a "squinter." I began to wonder if maybe it was a chemical pregnancy and started to doubt. However as the day progressed the denial started to wear off as my confidence grew in being able to tell the difference between a stark white test and a second line. I went for a walk that afternoon and decided there is no such thing as being sort of pregnant. I began to accept that I was really pregnant. That night I started feeling a little bit of lower back pain and some mild uterus awareness, like a dull ache, basically, a much gentler version of period cramps. You know when you are really tired and you can feel your eyeballs sitting in your eye sockets? I call that eyeball awareness and this was sort of like that, but in my uterus.

Hooray for the sun. I'm so ready for Spring!
March 12th 
8dp5dt Woke up and POAS. Forgot to set the timer and didn't check it until 10 minutes later. I walked up and immediately saw the second line. It was not as dark as the control line, but there was absolutely no denying that a solid second line was present. Wow, I was sort of stunned and did not have much of an emotional reaction. J was still in bed playing on his phone with zero clue as to what was going on. I debated on if I wanted to tell him right away or wait. Of course I decided to tell him. A long time ago when we first started TTC I had come up with the idea on how to reveal it to him, so I quickly did an image search on my phone and found this:

Those of you that don't know him aren't aware of his INSANE Pac-man obsession. We don't have a guest room in our house because the spare room is filled to the brim with J's Pacman collection. Did you know that Pac-man margarita glasses exist? Yup, they do. Now you know why I came up with using a Baby Pac-man picture as a reveal. Anyway, he had been showing me silly pictures on his phone earlier in the morning, so I nonchalantly told him to check out what I found and handed him my phone to look at the picture. He mumbled/grunted, "Uemh." So then I asked him what he noticed in the picture and he shrugged. I pointed to Pac-man and said that's you, Ms. Pac-man is me and then pointed to Baby Pac-man and said, "That's our baby! We're pregnant!" His response was simply "Oohhh." It wasn't even a complete sentence. He kinda looked at me and I looked back at him with a huge grin on my face. I think I saw a tiny bit of a smile and also a look of fear in his eyes, which is pretty much exactly what I imagined his reaction would be. Yup. He is gonna be an amazing dad, but definitely isn't one that is much for words. Later when he was singing in the shower I couldn't help myself and told him it was really cute that he was already singing to the baby. Haha. I crack myself up.

I went to work and throughout the day it would hit me and I would see the two lines over again in my head. Later that afternoon I couldn't help myself and called my sister-in-law. I told her about the "squinters" and the test with the real second line, but I couldn't say the words out loud, "I am pregnant." It was fun to chat with her about early pregnancy symptoms and also a little off because it is so early and what if something goes wrong... If we had conceived naturally there is no way I would have shared the news so early, but the reality is we did IVF and she has listened and supported me through every step of the process.

As an extra bonus to my wonderful day I got a surprise gift from my coworkers for National Registered Dietitian Day. I've had a rocky time a my job the past year and it was so uplifting to read the messages each person had written in the card about how much they value my work and what I do for our patients. I also had to giggle to myself a little bit that they were smart enough not to buy me candy, which is what they always do for coworkers on other celebratory occasions.

Throughout the day, but especially in the evening as I was reading in bed I was aware of a bubbling sensation in my uterus. It was so strange. Later that night I felt the dull ache and heaviness of uterus awareness that was enough to cause a mild feeling of queasiness. I forgot to mention that I have also been experiencing a noticeable slowdown in my digestion since starting the progesterone injections and have been especially vigilant about loading up on fiber and fluids to ward off constipation.

March 13th
9dp5dt Although I had zero plans to POAS, sometime mid-morning I thought it would be fun to POAS as I was hoping the line would be darker. Turns out it was much fainter, not quite a "squinter," but barely visible. Boo! I justified it by telling myself it wasn't the first urine of the morning and I had been guzzling lots of water, so the result was diluted. Right then I decided that I was done POAS and would let the beta determine how things were going. In fact, I'm going to Pay It Forward and give away my remaining stash of ovulation predictors and pregnancy tests. Leave a comment if you are interested in my stash and I'll mail the randomly selected winner my supply free of charge.

During the day I cooked up a storm in the kitchen as I've been trying to eat really well since I fear that I'll be lucky enough to be one of the few that gets prolonged morning sickness and while my appetite is still good I want to load up on nutrients. I have mixed feelings about prenatal vitamins and so I don't take them regularly... I know, again with the controversial. It's a personal choice. So I've been making sure to eat lots of foods rich in folate and get enough fiber. I remember a post a while back that Lisa did on increasing soluble fiber intake to help combat morning sickness and while I actually hadn't come across anything like that in my short nutrition career, it seems perfectly harmless and would be awesome if it helps. It's extra cool that legumes are a great source of folate and help prevent constipation, which I need both of right now. I love all legumes and often tend toward eating vegetarian if I'm not in a good mood, so this isn't a stretch for me, but again might not be for everyone.

I busted ass at work and had zero symptoms all afternoon and evening, making me wonder if maybe that faint test actually meant something, but then I got a wave of queasiness and cramps late at night that was so bad that it was hard for me to fall asleep.

Stay tuned for more time delayed postings. Don't forget to specify in your comment if you want in on the chance to win my stash of testing sticks (~25 OPK's and ~10 pregnancy).

Peace out,